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Something that you should know...

Something that you should know about me before we go any further. I talk differently to different people.

I'm known for being the fierce, fearless and unforgiving person that will make sure that any quarrel is put to rest in my favour. That covers letters to companies complaining about distress caused by their employees and fuckwits living next door. And to be fair I do all that because really it's quite fun to watch other people squirm and choose their next moves.

But strangers who piss me off aren't the only people who I have issues with. And I can't and don't treat my other issues like that. I can't go for it all with someone I'm close to, physically or emotionally.

We're having real issues with the food at the hostel right now and my dad has told me time and again to complain and make them see that something needs to change or it's going to be my address. And as much as I'd love to rip Mark to shreds, tell him he's an idiot who has no idea what is going on and to step aside before he starts acting like a headmaster (an insult if you think about it). But I'm in vair close proximity with him, this isn't just some institution that I have a problem with, this is HIS institution and I live here. That makes a difference and can harm me, which makes me cautious.

Then with friends and family. You want to tell them to back off, to give you some space and to stop being so bloody childish and get on with it, but you need to think of a way to say it nicely. In a way I guess I treat my friends like everyone treats, well everyone else. You don't want to yell and scream at the people you love, that's why people get divorced; so they won't have to yell at their spouse any more and be unhappy afterwards. And so when I have a talk with someone I love and care about regarding something that we need to sort or me just having a bitch to them about them I get nervous. I toy with my hair, I scratch, I can't make eye contact, I use my hands a lot more than I need to and than I normally do. Because if they get mad and yell back, I have a lot more to lose.